The Strange Case of Maura Isles' Christmas Eve
by LilyBartAndTheOthers
Summary: Today was the day. Maura was sure of it. It had to be. Yet a trick of time saw it differently. Rizzles to be, updates on Sunday. Reviews more than appreciated.
1. Morning I

**Author's** **Note :** **Halloween On Repeat got reported so I adapted it to the holidays since we're now closer to Christmas than to Halloween. In other news, my novel is now available in English on Amazon: it's "Forty-Three Hours and Fifteen Minutes" by Agathe Rigault. I'd be honored and touched if you read it.**

 **The Strange Case of Maura Isles' Christmas Eve**

 **Chapter One – Morning I**

A loud bang woke Maura up abruptly. Heart beating fast in her chest, half-asleep brain trying to understand what was going on. Pale morning light piercing through the curtains of her bedroom. She could see the sky from her bed. She could guess how low the clouds were. A gray landscape. It would snow, that much she was certain.

Sputters caught her attention. It came from downstairs, from her living-room. From the kitchen, maybe. Then she remembered: the loud bang.

She got up, put a woolen shawl on her shoulders and hurried outside of her bedroom in order to solve the mystery of her sudden waking. She wasn't scared though. Who would be in the heart of Beacon Hill? Her curiosity was simply piqued. And her mood so-so. She had the day off. She had hoped for a smoother morning.

Besides, today wasn't like any other day. Today was _the_ day. Her day. Their day. She had planned everything, every second of every minute. There was no room for unexpected events.

Her steps led her to the stairs. She took them down and stopped, perplexed, as she spotted her friend rummaging around in the Christmas tree that they had bought and set up together three weeks earlier.

"Jane?!"

Jane turned around at the call of her name. A golden tinsel in hand. Jo Friday hidden under one of the expensive cushions of the sofa. Surprise showed on her face. Unless it was guilt? Maura wouldn't have been able to tell. Either way, something was wrong and she had walked in on it catching her friend in the act.

"It's not ruined, Maura. I swear it's not. Look!" Jane showed the tree. "I've put it all back already."

"What are you talking about?" Maura made a few steps towards her friend. If only Jane knew how she, Maura, couldn't care less about the Christmas tree. If only she understood that all Maura could see was the delicate red shade of her cheeks. The sparkle in her eyes. Her voice, her smile. "I don't understand."

Jane sighed. Heavily. Dramatically.

"Jo Friday messed up with it. The moment we walked in, she went straight for the tree and made it fall down. I'm sorry."

"Oh."

Maura cast a glance at Jo Friday. The dog was still hidden under the cushion, obviously aware of what she had just done and how wrong it was for it made Jane angry.

"But everything's back into place now. See?"

Maura gave Jane a nod but she barely looked at the tree. She walked to the kitchen instead, smiled as she noticed a box of pastries probably bought by Jane and she proceeded to make coffee. She checked the alarm on the oven: 7.30am. It was still early. Too early.

Yet Jane hadn't overslept. No. She had got up even earlier instead and she had gone out in the cold just to buy them pastries. Just so they could have breakfast together. So they could spend the whole day together. Such thought made Maura blush. Her heartbeats sped up.

It was a sign: today was their day. It had to be.

"It snowed..." A smile played on Maura's lips as she looked out of the window and noticed the thick layer of white that was now covering her patio. "That's why the city is so quiet."

The remark made Jane chuckle.

"Beacon Hill has always been quiet. I mean except when the gluten-free coffee shop at the corner got launched, of course. Then the hood turned mayhem."

Snarky comment. Harmless though. Maura had learned how to handle them. How to spot them, how to make them hers. How to fall in love them for they were so Jane. _Her_ Jane. That tall dark-haired woman who was now walking to the kitchen island to share a coffee with her on what seemed to be a quiet and lovely Christmas Eve.

"Ma' called. She says hi."

"It's weird to not have her around for Christmas." Maura filled two cups of coffee. She gave Jane one and set the pastries in a plate. "Just as it's weird to know that mine is in town."

She would have lunch with Constance on the day after. On Christmas day. As much as the date was nothing but a pure coincidence, it made her dysfunctional family look almost normal. For once. It wouldn't last though. It wouldn't turn into a tradition. Maura knew it. Thus she made sure to not hold hopes over it. She didn't want to feel hurt, to end up disappointed. She had made that mistake too many times in the past to not be careful now.

"Yeah well enjoy the quietness her absence brings 'cause it's not gonna last!" Jane took a sip of her coffee and gave Maura a mischievous wink. Just to make sure. Just to make sure that Maura understood that she was kidding. "She'll be back in no time. If it weren't for the snow, she'd already be here stuffin' turkeys and such."

But instead Angela was stuck in New York City. At her sister's. A blizzard had fallen over the city forcing the airports to close. So Jane's mother had postponed her trip back to Boston.

Maura missed Angela. She missed her presence, her words. Those moments both shared when Jane wasn't around. But she had to admit that it would make things easier for the rest of the day. Because Maura needed to be alone with Jane in order to tell her what she had to tell her.

Feelings. A zillion things she had hold back for too long. An ocean of doubts and hopes. Exhausting emotions. Maura had to let go. She had to take a deep breath and say out loud all these things she had only murmured alone in bed. In the darkness of the night. She had to because it now weighed too much on her heart.

"By the way, do you think we..."

A loud bang interrupted Jane. She turned around and looked at the door. Why had someone knocked so vehemently? A second bang echoed the first one. It made both Jane and Maura jump.

"What the hell is going on..." Jane put her cup of coffee down on the kitchen island. She cast a quick glance at Maura before walking to the door with a strong determination. Heart beating fast though for she didn't understand what was happening now. "What is..."

She barely had time to open the door that a snow ball hit her straight in the face. Children's laughter echoing in the distance. Their hurried steps muffled by the snow.

Maura's gasp of surprise somewhere on her left.


	2. Lunch I

**Author's** **Note :** **Thank you very much for your reviews and to all the people who have bought my novel (it's also on Kindle Unlimited - so for free - if you have subscribed to it)!**

 **Chapter Two – Lunch I**

"Dammit!"

"Jane..."

"What?"

"It's been five hours now."

Five hours. Five long hours for Maura. Endless hours if she actually dared to admit it out loud. Five hours of Jane mumbling like a grumpy grandpa about the snow ball that had hit her straight in the face the moment she had opened the door. Of course neither she nor Maura had had time to see the culprits. But it was just a snow ball. An innocent snow ball. A harmless gesture. Impolite maybe but mostly cheeky. Or at least it was how Maura saw it but with Jane being so mad, she preferred to remain quiet.

An angry Jane didn't belong to her plans. The day was supposed to go smoothly and be unforgettable. Hopefully. If it went as planned. If it matched her lonely fantasies of a different kind of life.

"I hate the snow!"

Umpteenth remark. Maura took a deep breath to remain as calm as she could. It wasn't easy. If she had found it fun at first, now Jane's behavior got on her nerves slightly. Little by little.

"You don't. You always tell me how you and your brothers used to play in the snow when you were younger. And how fun it was."

"But that's the thing, Maura." Jane sighed. She had been staring at the fireplace for a while, from the couch. Jo Friday sleeping peacefully by her side. "I got older. And things change when you grow up."

"So now you're telling me that you hate it?" Jane nodded. "I don't believe you. You're just upset. Come on, Jane. Admit it!"

Jane crossed her arms on her chest and refused to say anything back. So Maura smiled. Even when Jane was in a bad mood, Maura needed her by her side. Jane made the world look different. Not necessarily easier to understand but more captivating. Unique. And she gave sense to Maura's life.

At first Maura had thought that it was what friendship was supposed to be but then she had noticed details. Details that had ended up growing so much that they now defined her days and nights.

It wasn't friendship but love. Romantic feelings.

Were they mutual? Maura couldn't tell but she was tired of lying by omission. Besides, perhaps she stood a chance. A real one. By using the right words, at the right time. Perhaps.

"Does this mean that you don't want to go to your favorite Italian restaurant for lunch? You know, because of the snow."

Jane squinted her eyes. The flames of the fireplace echoed in her pupils. An odd, beautiful sparkle that Maura didn't miss. She swallowed hard. This day was strange actually. So strange. It lacked pace. Was it because of Maura's apprehension? Because there was apprehension. Telling your only best friend that you were in love with her could jeopardize many things. Everything could end within a second. Within a word. Within a gaze.

Just as everything could start.

"I think I can make an exception."

Jane's answer made Maura laugh out loud. Perfect treats for a perfect day: breakfast together, lunch at Jane's favorite Italian restaurant, a movie, dinner at home. Then Maura's confession. It was Jane's day. Jane and Maura's day.

"You may even get your revenge on those children on our way to _Lavazzi's_."

Jane turned around to look at Maura. The remark had piqued her curiosity.

"How? I don't know who they are."

"Then aim at any child you come across."

"Maura!" Jane pretended to look offended but it barely lasted a couple of seconds. She shook her head. In total disbelief. "Maura Isles is in a cheeky mood, I see."

Nervous and melancholic were two adjectives closer to Maura's current state of mind but she welcomed Jane's term with pleasure. And relief. The sun was piercing through Jane's angry clouds. At last.

"By the way, do you think you..."

Maura froze. The ringing of Jane's cell phone interrupting her. She swallowed hard. She knew this ring tone. She knew it way too well. And she hated hearing it right now. Surprised at first, Jane took the call. She stood up and walked to the kitchen island almost subconsciously. She didn't want to hide her conversation from Maura. She just needed to wake up a bit.

The BPD was calling. It was Korsak. Maura knew what it meant. Jane's day off was officially over. Unexpectedly. She had to leave because she was needed somewhere. Somewhere where Maura wasn't needed. Nobody dared to interrupt the chief medical examiner's day off. Never ever. But Jane wasn't on top of her hierarchy so working had a very different definition for her.

And she couldn't say no. She couldn't say that she had other plans, that she wasn't supposed to work today. She had to go. Without complaining. She had to put her coat on, risk her life on the icy snowy roads and probably risk it even more on a crime scene. What was going on? Had someone got killed? Maura walked to one of the large windows of the living-room. Near the Christmas tree. Her back turned at Jane. She looked at the street outside. The white road. She swallowed back her tears.

She barely heard what Jane told her. She barely heard her friend's voice. The reason why she had to go. She remained still, staring blankly at this street where not a single driver was driving through. It was quiet. Too quiet. For once Maura would have wanted noises. Of any kind. Big ones that would have stifled her thoughts and swept away her sadness. But instead everything remained quiet and she came back to life only once she heard the door got slammed.

Jane was gone, along with Maura's plans.

Why did it always have to go this way?

Maura's throat began to hurt just as her vision turned blurry. Burning tears, on the edge of her eyes. She felt lonely. Too lonely. Immensely lonely. And disarmed. Empty. Pointless. It didn't look like Christmas Eve. Everything had turned dark.

Someone knocked on the door. How many minutes had passed by since Jane had left?

Maura went to open and, much to her surprise, she saw the only person she wasn't expecting to see on this day: Constance Isles.


	3. Afternoon I

**Author's Note: Thank you everyone for the reviews and the messages, I wish you all happy holidays. May this week be sweet to all of you.**

 **Chapter Three – Afternoon I**

If there was one thing that Maura Isles knew about her mother, it was that fooling Constance Isles was pretty much impossible. Constance had a sharp vision of life, a sharp vision of people and a sharp vision of how things were supposed to go. Of how they were planned. Maura knew it, she really did. Years of experience told her so. But out of despair she tried again on that day.

And just as expected, she failed.

"The BPD?!" Constance looked at her daughter with incredility as both women found themselves on the opposite sidewalk to the building. "Have you forgotten something at your office? I thought you were on a day off."

Maura knew that she couldn't fool her mother. Just as she couldn't lie. Red alert: she looked left then right. Then left again and right a second time. An excuse, she had to come up with an excuse. But not any kind of excuse. Not that time. Because she was talking to Constance Isles.

"I... Err... I..."

Not a single word passed her lips. Not a single coherent sentence. Shameful defeat. Maura looked down at her feet with the feeling she had been caught in the act and was about to get scolded.

But saying the truth wasn't an option. Because the truth was too ridiculous to be said out loud. Her mother could understand the situation but they weren't close. They had never been close. And it was not about to change. Their bond was too fragile, too invisible for that to happen.

She had suggested a stroll through Boston. An innocent stroll, a shopping spree. Shameful excuse to stop by the BPD in the hope to see Jane, in the hope that she would call it a day and join them for the rest of the afternoon. In the hope... Maura held back a sigh. She had lost her mind. She had just completely lost her mind.

Jane was busy. She was working. She had a life outside Maura's little world. A life with friends, and relatives and goals to achieve. She didn't have time for Maura's stupid whims.

Besides, Jane was probably not at the BPD but on a scene somewhere in the city.

Just as the thought crossed Maura's mind, a laugh rose on her left. A laugh that she would have recognized anywhere. She turned her head. Her heart skipped a beat: Jane was there. She was walking on the opposite sidewalk. Peacefully. Happily. With a man Maura didn't know. And the two of them looked close. Awfully close.

Who was he?

Of course Maura looked at him for too long. Of course she clenched her fist. Of course she turned pale. Of course she began to shake uncontrollably.

Of course Constance noticed all this.

But Jane missed it. Jane didn't see Maura. Too busy as she was talking to this man, a handsome man in his mid-forties, she climbed the steps and walked inside the BPD building with him. Unaware of Maura's presence. Unaware of everything.

She was focused on the man, on the joyful conversation they were sharing. On the bond they were building up little by little. Almost too easily.

"Maura..." Constance didn't wait for a second. She didn't give any chance to the passing of time because she knew. She knew that it wouldn't make things right. She had to take action. She had to talk. "You may think I don't know you but I do know that you don't believe in coincidences."

And showing up at the BPD was not a coincidence.

However Constance paying an unplanned visit to her daughter on Christmas Eve was a coincidence. She had happened to be in Beacon Hill, only a couple of streets away. Not stopping by would have been disrespectful.

"Come with me."

Constance grabbed Maura by the hand. Without any warning. The touch caused Maura to jump. Her mother had never hold her hand. Even as a child, Maura used to walk on her own. By her parents' side. But holding hands was new, and strange. Not unpleasant though. Just bittersweet for it was happening way too late.

…

"He may be nobody."

Even Constance didn't really believe what she had just said.

The smile that played on Maura's lips reflected more pain than hope. Her hope was gone anyway. And now she felt stupid. She turned her head towards the window in order to observe passersby on the street but all she saw turned out to be her own reflection in the pale light of a late winter afternoon when the shades of the sky become blue and cold. Icy.

She didn't say anything back. Thus Constance resumed her talk.

"You can't afford to remain in the shadows, Maura. This isn't how it works. Sometimes we have to provoke things. Sometimes we have to try."

Of course. And it was exactly what Maura had planned for the day but everything had gone wrong so far and her plans kept on crashing one after the other. She had to admit the truth: it was a disaster, a complete disaster. And perhaps it was a sign. She and Jane was not something meant to happen.

The silence of her replies rocked her. Comfortingly. She was dead inside.

"You can't keep on pretending that everything is alright if it isn't. Don't do that, Maura. Don't do that because it isn't fair and because it never works in the end." Another silence. Constance swallowed hard. "Maura. Look at me."

At least the little coffee shop they had walked in and settled in was quiet enough for such a talk. The place was even cosy. Constance would have said it. Under other circumstances. Golden tinsels, soft music. Homemade pastries.

And Maura's despair. Maura sinking a bit more in the depth of her own world as the seconds were passing by.

Maura's silence opposed to Constance's confrontation. Without naming things, without naming anyone. Because it wasn't needed. Both knew. Both had always known somehow.

"Why don't you tell her?"

The question caused something to break in Maura. A door, a bridge. Something that used to link her brain to her heart. Tears drowned her eyes as she finally turned her head to look at her mother. A sorry smile lit up her face distorted by painful feelings. An ocean of regrets. A mountain of fallen dreams. She shrugged.

"Because it's too late now."


	4. Evening I

**Author's Note: Thank you for all the reviews, to everyone who bought my novel/showed interest in it. I'm sorry I'm posting this chapter a bit late today. I was in full conversation about Mary Poppins' sexual orientation (yeah well...) which reminds me of a fic I read here once where she and Mrs Banks go at it. Good fic as much as such pairing hadn't crossed my mind. **

**Chapter Four – Evening I**

 _Chim chiminey, chim chiminey, chim chim cher-ee_

 _A sweep is as lucky as lucky can be_

 _Chim chiminey, chim chiminey, chim chim cher-oo_

 _Good luck will rub off when I shakes 'ands with you_

Maura cast a glance at her television set. She had put _Mary Poppins_ on because she had never watched it. Because Jane had told her it was a must-see. Because everybody used to say that it was a classic. But the joyful mood of the two main protagonists didn't match hers. She was nervous and felt terribly lonely while Mary Poppins looked light and happy. In harmony with Bert.

The contrast was sharp. Too sharp.

And it sent Maura back to her fragile life.

Constance was gone. After a long talk. The Beacon Hill townhouse was quiet and Maura was waiting for nothing but Jane to pass the door. A matter of minutes now. Seconds even. Jane had sent her a text message. She was on her way. On her way to spend Christmas Eve with Maura and nobody else starting with that man Maura had seen at the BPD.

Jane was coming. Soon.

She would pass the door and Maura would tell her everything. The way her heart skips a beat when they are in the same room. When Jane looks at her and smiles. By then nothing else matters for Maura. The world stops and a delicate, warm wave wrapped up Maura. She feels safe with Jane. She feels at her place.

She belongs to Jane. She really does.

Constance had told her to be honest. To give it a try. Because we all deserve to be happy, with the right person. Life is too short to remain silent. Just take a deep breath and...

The kitchen door got opened. Suddenly. Unexpectedly. Taking Maura out of her nervous daydreams. And Jane walked in.

Maura stood up immediately but she remained still. Just there, halfway between the sofa and the kitchen island. Jane smiled at her. A forced smile? Maura couldn't say but a little voice in her head kept on telling her that Jane was pretending. That she would prefer to be somewhere else. With him, with that stranger in his mid-forties.

Nobody talked. Awkward silences. Then Jane noticed the movie.

"You're watching _Mary Poppins_?"

Maura nodded. But the words she had kept telling herself in her head vanished. The little speech she had prepared: gone. She opened her mouth but not a single coherent sentence hit the air. She mumbled. Again and again. More awkwardness.

Finally she managed to say something.

"It's an interesting take on latent socialism."

Jane held back a laugh and went to pour herself a glass of water. Why did she not talk about the afternoon? Why? Maura swallowed hard. Was Jane trying to hide something from her? Jane always talked about her job. She loved the BPD. She loved everything about it. And she said it.

Not this time though. She remained quiet instead. Too quiet.

The dining table had been set. Maura was supposed to wait for Jane as they always did it together but she had seen in it a good subterfuge to ignore her nervousness. Stupid trick. Jane turned her head and she noticed the table. She smiled.

That smile!

Maura swallowed hard again. If she didn't know better, she would now run to Jane and kiss her. No words would be needed. Then Jane would respond to the kiss. The end.

Sadly this wasn't a fantasy. Reality couldn't be any different, any colder. Any harder.

"I'm sorry." Maura looked down at her feet. Her mother's words echoing in her head. Nothing was going as planned, nothing at all. It was a pure nightmare. "I know I should have waited for you..."

"It's ok. I'm the one who should apologize. I wasn't supposed to work, today."

She wasn't supposed to meet someone else either.

Maura smiled but her smile didn't reach her eyes. Tears did though and she rushed to the stairs in a mumble of apologies.

"Wait, I've got something for you."

A present. Her heart. Whatever. Her whole life.

She had too many questions in head, too many doubts. Yet what would have happened if she hadn't gone to the BPD? If she hadn't seen Jane with that man? And who was he? Where did he come from? Why now? Of all days, why this one?

Was it supposed to be a sign?

Maura stormed in her bedroom. She walked straight to the bedside table and opened the drawer there. She grabbed the present she had bought Jane. A ring. With the date they had met engraved on it. An old jewel.

Jane had seen it at an antique boutique and she had loved it. Very simple, thin. Yet elegant and feminine. Discreet. Until that day Maura had assumed that Jane didn't like jewels. But she had seen it in her eyes, she had seen how the brown pupils had sparkled. How much Jane desired this ring. For whatever reason. The exception that confirms the rule.

So Maura had bought it.

Shaking hand. The jewel box in her fist.

What a strange day. What an uncertain evening.

Heart beating faster than ever. Hope shining through. Maura walked back to the stairs and went down again.

Then she heard the voices.

How come she hadn't heard them earlier?

The door bell. Someone had rung the door bell and she hadn't heard a thing. Too lost in her thoughts, perhaps. Too afraid of seeing her life explode in a thousand pieces.

A fake smile on. A few steps towards Jane who was talking to someone, to that person who had rung the bell. Jane had opened the door. She hadn't called Maura, she hadn't warned her. Why?

Then Maura saw him and her blood turned icy.

The man she had seen in the afternoon. With Jane. Walking back to the BPD. He was now there, at her place. Laughing with the woman Maura was in love with.

Invasion of privacy.

Utter panic.

Maura made a step backwards. What for? She had no idea. Of course they were going to notice her presence at some point. The stranger did first. His eyes stopped on her. Then Jane turned around and she looked at Maura. Blankly? Happily? Shamefully?

Then Jane screamed.

"Wait, Maura! No!"

Too late. One more step backwards and Maura hit the Christmas tree. A chaos of tinsels and decoration hitting the floor. The sharpness of the needles going deep in her nape. The weight of the tree on her head.

Black out.


	5. Morning II

_**Author's Note : Happy New Year everyone. May 2019 be nice to you. **_

**Chapter Five – Morning II**

A loud bang woke Maura up abruptly. Heart beating fast in her chest, half-asleep brain trying to understand what was going on. Pale morning light piercing through the curtains of her bedroom. She could see the sky from her bed. She could guess how low the clouds were. A gray landscape.

Again.

Like the day before.

 _The day before._

"Oh..."

Maura brought a hand to her forehead as reality finally hit her. The day before had been a nightmare instead of turning into the day of her life as she had hoped to barely twenty-four hours earlier. The situation had slipped through her fingers at light speed and it had got worse by every minute passing by. And worse and worse and worse.

To the point she had got knocked out by the Christmas tree.

As she thought about it, she passed a hand along her nape. Surprisingly she wasn't sore at all. Yet the weight of the tree had been enough for her to lose consciousness. She had to be bruised. It was only logical.

Sputters caught her attention. It came from downstairs, from her living-room. From the kitchen maybe. Then she remembered: the loud bang.

Again? A loud bang had woken her up too the day before. Was she supposed to see in it a sign that today would be as bad as Christmas Eve?

Jane. It had to be Jane. As much as the evening before was very blurry in Maura's head, she totally remembered Jane helping her go to bed. Her dizziness had prevented her from walking the stairs up alone. Jane had hold her by the waist.

What about the man though? The stranger who had ruined everything and crushed down Maura's hopes? Had Jane dismissed him when Maura had been knocked out by the tree? Maura frowned trying to get clearer details from such shameful episode of her life. In vain. Her brain was too foggy right now.

She got up, put a woolen shawl on her shoulders and slowly walked out of her bedroom in order to solve the mystery of her sudden waking. She wasn't scared though. Who would be in the heart of Beacon Hill? Her curiosity was simply piqued.

Though she wasn't eager to face Jane either. What was she going to tell her? Was there anything to say at all?

Her steps led her to the stairs. She took them down and stopped, perplexed, as she spotted her friend rummaging around in the Christmas tree. That bloody Christmas tree. It was all set up. Had Jane really felt the urge to put everything back together? It was just a tree. A tree Maura wanted to see outside of her home now for it reminded her way too many bad things.

"... Jane?"

Jane turned around at the call of her name. A golden tinsel in hand. Jo Friday hidden under one of the expensive cushions of the sofa. Surprise showed on her face. Unless it was guilt? Maura began to shake. And to doubt. Slightly. Something was wrong, that much she could tell.

"It's not ruined, Maura. I swear it's not. Look!" Jane showed the tree. "I've put it all back already."

"You didn't have to... Throwing it away would have been wiser."

The comment left Jane perplexed. A short silence fell on the room.

"What? ... It's not damaged. It's okay. Jo Friday messed up with it. The moment we walked in, she went straight for the tree and made it fall down. I'm sorry."

Maura stared at Jane for a while then she looked at Jo Friday on the couch. An odd feeling pierced through her skin and ran up to her brain. _Déjà-vu_. Jo Friday had never knocked down a tree before and now she did it two days in a row? Really?

"But everything's back into place now. See?"

Maura gave Jane a nod. She felt confused, really confused. How come Jane wasn't asking her if she felt okay after what had happened a few hours earlier? Maura walked to the kitchen but froze as she noticed a box of pastries on top of the kitchen island. The box was open and full. Had Jane really gone out to buy some more pastries? What for? They hadn't eaten all of them the day before.

"Ma' called. She says hi."

"I know. You told me that yesterday, Jane."

"Err no, I didn't."

"Yes, you did."

"No, I didn't. How could have I? She didn't call me yesterday!" Jane walked to the kitchen. She laughed. "Are you back from the future?"

Maura turned her head and she stared at her friend as if she had lost her mind.

"This is scientifically impossible, Jane." Maura filled two cups of coffee. "What time is it? I think I have overslept. I need to get ready for lunch. My mother has booked a table at..."

"Tomorrow. You have lunch with your mother tomorrow. Today it's only you and me." Jane cast a quick glance at Jo Friday. "And this nasty dog."

"No, it's today." Maura looked for her phone. Had she left it in her bedroom? She had put an alert on it. For the lunch. Although she had an excellent memory and seeing her mother on Christmas day was so unusual that she didn't really need any reminder. "At 1pm..."

"Yeah I know that. And it's..."

A loud bang interrupted Jane. She turned around and looked at the door. Maura looked at it as well but with a look of utter incomprehension on her face. She swallowed hard. Again? Two days in a row? Really?

"What the hell is going on..." Jane put her cup of coffee down on the kitchen island. She cast a glance at Maura. "What is it that people are so impolite nowadays? On Christmas Eve of all days."

Christmas Eve? Maura frowned. Today was not Christmas Eve. It was Christmas. Christmas day. December, 25th.

Jane walked to the door with a strong determination. Maura remained in the kitchen. She felt lost, completely lost. Had the tree knocked her out that hard?

"What is..."

Jane barely had time to open the door that a snow ball hit her straight in the face. Children's laughter echoing in the distance. Their hurried steps muffled by the snow.

Maura gasped. Not of surprise this time though. No. Her eyes stopped on her desk. She rushed to it and grabbed her iPad. She turned it on and almost made it fall when the date of the day appeared on the screen: December, 24th.

Jane was right: today was Christmas Eve.

Again?!


	6. Lunch II

**Author's Note : Thank you everyone for the reviews!**

 **Chapter Six – Lunch II**

It was impossible. Scientifically impossible. Yet Maura had to admit that if she was dreaming then it had to be the most realistic dream she had ever had because everything felt real. Too real. From the taste of the pastries Jane had brought to the panic that had invaded Maura for five hours now.

At first she had thought that she should tell Jane about it but then Jane had got so mad because of the snow ball attack by the kids of Beacon Hill than Maura had decided to remain quiet. Besides, what could she tell her friend? Jane was very rational. She would simply think that she, Maura, had turned crazy. And truth to be told, Maura was quite close to think it too.

"Dammit!"

Maura cast a glance at Jane but she focused back almost immediately on her tablet. Yes, Jane was mad at the kids and she would be mad until she had to leave. No matter it had been five hours already. If this déjà-vu was to last then Maura knew absolutely every single stage of the day and she dreaded each of them even more strongly.

Seeing that Maura didn't seem to pay attention to her, Jane walked to her friend. She frowned and leaned over in order to read what Maura was so focused on.

"Temporality?!"

Maura jumped with surprise. She hadn't seen Jane come closer. She cleared her voice, looking for a proper explanation, but nothing came up. Because she couldn't lie anyway. If she did, she would be unable to breathe and maybe she would even pass out. And nobody had time for that.

"Maura, it's Christmas Eve. Just... Have a break from work, okay?"

"It's... Ahem..."

But Jane didn't hear her. She rolled her eyes and growled before walking back to the couch where Jo Friday was peacefully sleeping.

"I hate the snow!"

"You don't." Absent-minded voice. Maura felt lost and lonely before whatever was happening to her but she couldn't ignore Jane's remarks completely either. Jane meant too much to her. "Don't you always tell me how you and your brothers used to play in the snow when you were younger? How fun it was?"

"But..."

"Yes, I know, Jane." Nod, a blank one. "You got older and things change when one grows up."

Jane froze. How could have Maura guessed her reply, word by word? A coincidence, it had to be a coincidence. Just that. A mere coincidence. It happened at times. Shrug, desperate attempt at getting rid of a strange feeling. Sometimes life was just weird. And it was okay. Perfectly okay. Wasn't it?

"It's not a reason for you to keep on Googling science stuff on your day off. Turn this iPad off, Maura. C'mon. Do it. Now."

Maura looked up. She stared at the wall in front of her for long seconds, pondering Jane's words. And then she did, she turned her iPad off. Anyway the BPD would call Jane soon now. It was only a matter of minutes. Then Jane would leave and...

"Oh no..."

Maura rolled her eyes. Her mother. She had forgotten about her. Yet if everything happened again then Constance Isles would show up soon after Jane's departure which meant Maura wouldn't have time to try to solve whatever was going on now.

"What?"

Maura looked at Jane. She opened her mouth to say something back but nothing came up. One more time. Her silence piqued Jane's curiosity.

"Maura... Are you okay? You're kind of... Weird."

"I love you." Maura swallowed hard. She had said the words without overthinking anything. She had blurted them out almost defiantly. Who cared anyway? Who cared if the day was going to repeat anyway? "I love you, Jane."

"... Love you too."

Jane's casualness broke Maura's heart into a thousand pieces. Jane had misunderstood her. She had thought that it was all about friendship here, all about their strong connection as best friends. Platonic feelings. But it wasn't. It wasn't what Maura meant.

"No, Jane... What I'm trying to..."

And the phone. That stupid cell phone with its stupid ring tone. Jane walked to it immediately and she took the call before Maura's bittersweet smile.

She had missed her chance. She had missed her chance twice now. Was she supposed to see it as a sign? Was she supposed to give up and pretend that everything was alright the way it was? It was okay. To an extent. Better than nothing as they say. But Maura wanted more. She needed more.

Or else she would spend the rest of her life hurting for not saying her feelings out loud.

If she ever got to the day after, of course. But that was another issue, yet one that she had to solve and now.

She turned her iPad on again and went back to Google. Jane was on the phone anyway. She wasn't going to make any remark about it now. But the truth was that Maura had checked most of the reliable sources on the matter already and nothing relevant had come up. Nothing at all. Now what was left was Wikipedia, stupid forums and apparently a movie about some groundhog that Maura had never watched.

Popular culture. She wasn't good at it.

She waved at Jane absentmindedly when her friend apologized and left. At least this time Maura wasn't hurt. There was no disappointment, no surprise about the last-minute change of plan. No resentment either. She couldn't feel the same thing twice.

The knock on the door didn't surprise her either. She walked matter-of-factly to it and opened the door before waving her mother in. She didn't have time to lose with her mother but she couldn't dismiss her either. In theory, they hadn't seen each other in months.

In theory.

"Aren't you surprised to see me?"

Constance Isles walked into the living-room. She took her coat off, put it on top of the sofa and looked, perplexed, at her daughter who had hurried back to her desk. Maura hadn't said a word. Not even a hello. Nothing.

Maura shrugged. A sigh passed her lips. A loud, confused sigh. Then she looked at her mother properly.

"Not really, actually."


	7. Afternoon II

**Author's Note : Thank you very much for all the reviews, I'm happy to see you're all enjoying this story as much as I enjoy writing it.**

 **Chapter Seven – Afternoon II**

"I'm in love. I'm in love with Jane." Maura smiled as she accepted to let the words slide on her lips before them hitting the air softly, bitterly. She shrugged and looked down at her green tea in order to avoid her mother's eyes on her. "I've probably always been in love with her. Do you believe in love at first sight?" She didn't wait for an answer. She didn't want any. She had asked because it had felt fair yet pointless at the same time. "I don't. But sometimes life is such that we have to accept we may have been wrong. She's the one. Jane is the one. I know it. It's obvious, almost too obvious somehow."

At first Maura had thought about staying home with her mother. Or at least avoiding coming close to the BPD. Because if everything went as it oddly had to then she knew what she would see. And she didn't want it. She didn't want to be part of this. Not twice. Her heart wouldn't handle it.

Of course it hadn't even crossed her mind to try and explain what was going on to her mother because the truth was that she had no idea herself what was going on. It wasn't a dream, that much she was sure of. Yet what was currently happening to her was impossible. Completely impossible. And thus not explainable.

But soon her house had felt too small and she had felt the urge to go out. To get some fresh air. So she and her mother had left for lunch and it was when Maura had taken her decision. They had walked till the BPD and they had entered that little coffee shop just opposite the police station. Ahead of schedule. Aware of what was going on.

And she had opened her heart. There, at that small cafe. She had opened her heart to her mother because it had felt safe and she was desperate. She needed help.

"I know that we've never been close but I know as well that you know I'm not exclusively interested in men." Maura blushed and her own reaction made her smile. She felt fine with who she was and she was okay with telling this to her mother now but it was coming so much out of the blue that she wasn't sure how to handle it properly. "I've never hidden anything from you and if I've never introduced you any woman then it's because any of these relationships never really worked out. But it's different with Jane. It's completely different. That's why I'm telling you about it now."

If Maura had looked up, she would have noticed the peaceful smile on her mother's lips. The way Constance was looking at her. There was a reason why she remained quiet, a reason why she didn't interrumpt her daughter. Deep inside, she knew that she had to let Maura talk. The words had to come out.

Was it the reason why Maura had been behaving strangely though? In spite of appearances, Constance knew her daughter quite well and she had a hard time believing that Maura looked so distraught because of a coming out that didn't surprise anyone.

"I know that you like Jane too, for all the things she's brought me. I know that you think I've changed since I got to know her. Since we became friends... And I know you're happy for me. I know all of this even if you've never said it. The thing is..." Maura sighed. She was lacking words now. Because her feelings were too heavy and she could already feel the pain tear her hear apart, break it into a thousand pieces. She cast a glance at the street, out the window. The sidewalk was still empty. Yet it was only a matter of minutes. She knew it. And she hated it. "The thing is that it isn't going to work. I know what you think. But it's not about being in the shadows, it's not about remaining quiet when I should just go and tell her. Don't tell me I shouldn't keep on pretending that everything is alright if it isn't. Because... Because these are just words. Theories. And they don't apply to my life right now. Actually they never will."

"What do you mean?" Constance's smile vanished as Maura's speech turned darker. As she felt her daughter lose confidence. "Maybe Jane is actually into you. Maybe she's..."

Maura shook her head vehemently. This time she didn't cast a simple glance at the street. Nope. This time she stared at it, at the corner of that building. It was a matter of seconds now. Nothing but seconds. Painful ones.

"It's too late now." Maura swallowed hard as she saw Jane and that man appear at the corner of the street. She stared at them. "It's too late now."

If it weren't for the tears that showed in Maura's eyes then Constance would have never looked out the window. And she would have never understood. She wouldn't have seen Jane and that man. She wouldn't have got her daughter's distress nor the pain that had hit her so suddenly, so hard.

But a mother is a mother and the last thing she wants is to see her daughter cry.

"Maybe he's..."

Maura shook her head. She interrumpted her mother immediately.

"No. He isn't nobody. He isn't. Please don't say it. You know that it isn't true. He isn't nobody." She looked at Jane walk into the BPD. She looked at her smile and laugh with this man. She liked him. She really did. "Don't say it."

"Maura Dorthea Isles, you are such a drama queen."

The remark took Maura completely aback. She hadn't expected this. As a matter of fact, she hadn't expected anything that she hadn't already lived.

At least her mother's comment made her stop staring at the BPD. Surprised, almost shocked, Maura turned her head and looked at her mother as if she had lost her mind.

"I beg your pardon?"

Constance rolled her eyes. She took a sip of her coffee. Slowly. The slowest gesture in the world. She was doing it on purpose. Maura knew it. Everything was calculated.

"I knew it the moment you fell in love with these 19th century romances at the age of thirteen. You may be a brilliant medical doctor and a beautiful woman but... Gosh. What a drama queen you are."

Then, nonchalantly, Constance Isles ordered another cup of coffee. Obviously she would need it.


	8. Evening II

**Author's note : Thank you all for the reviews, I'm really glad you're enjoying this story because it's a lot of fun to write and it's also super easy to write once you've got a very clear plan of the main events that are supposed to happen over and over.**

 **Chapter Eight – Evening II**

 _Chim chiminey, chim chiminey, chim chim cher-ee_

 _A sweep is as lucky as lucky can be_

 _Chim chiminey, chim chiminey, chim chim cher-oo_

 _Good luck will rub off when I shakes 'ands with you_

This time Maura was fully focused on _Mary Poppins_ because she hadn't really paid attention to it the first time around. And the truth was that she liked it. A lot. It was beautifully made and rather authentic. Now she understood why Jane talked so much about it.

Jane.

Maura swallowed hard. She didn't want to think about Jane.

As a matter of fact, she was done with this day. This strange day that she couldn't explain. Talking to her mother had been interesting but it wasn't enough for Maura to feel better. Not this time. She was tired, physically and emotionally.

Jane would be there within a minute now. Of course. Just as it was supposed to go even if science didn't explain it at all. She would walk in by the kitchen door. But unlike the first time around, she wouldn't smile because Maura would have set the table. Simply because this time Maura hadn't bothered on setting anything at all. She was on the couch instead gorging herself with potato chips and sipping a giant Margarita.

Who gave a damn anyway? With the luck she had, she would get knocked out again and Christmas Eve would start all over again within a few hours.

Skipping any attempt at anything right now didn't really sound like a waste of time or opportunity. She preferred to focus on the third repeat. _Third time is a charm._ She would prove this.

Jane walked in. _There we go._ Maura didn't move an inch. She didn't even turn around to look at her friend.

The truth was that she was jealous and felt stupid to feel this way. Because she had really no idea who that man was and maybe he was nobody. Maybe. But she couldn't help thinking about Casey and the others. All these guys. Jane wanted to date men. She did date men actually.

So why not this one too? After all Maura had to admit that he was quite good-looking.

"You're watching _Mary Poppins_?" Then Jane noticed the bag Maura had in hands. "You're eating potato chips?!" Maura shrugged but she remained quiet and focused on the movie. "Since when you're into junk food? What happened?"

Maura sighed. She really wasn't in the mood for this. How could she? She was going to get knocked out within the next minutes now. This prospect was anything but pleasing.

"Yes, I am watching _Mary Poppins_. It is an interesting take on socialism – don't laugh, this is true, Jane – and yes, I am eating saturated food because... Because why not. Oh and I am also getting drunk although it's not working. I just feel like going to the bathroom now because of the amount of beverage I have gulped down."

Maura stood up and she walked towards said bathroom without even casting a glance at Jane. But if she had looked at her friend then Maura would have seen how lost Jane looked. Lost and hurt for the tone Maura had used was harsh and it wasn't fair at all. Or at least not to Jane.

"Oh and answer the door when someone rings the bell. It's for you anyway."

Maura slammed the bathroom door and she locked herself in the small room. Jane knocked on the door.

"Maura... What's going on? Did something happen to day?"

Worried tone of voice.

Maura rolled her eyes. She had rarely lacked so much patience in her whole life. She had gone from being desperate to being pissed within a couple of hours and it was the strangest thing that she had ever experienced in her life.

Besides that weird repetitive day, of course.

"The door, Jane. Someone is waiting for you. Leave me alone."

This time Maura heard the door bell. Because she wasn't on the first floor but on the main floor. Because she wasn't in her bedroom feeling lost and desperate. She wasn't looking for the present that she had got for Jane. Thinking about the ring made her heart ache. She looked down and closed her eyes hoping that she wouldn't start crying again.

Then she waited for a while. Would he have left if she waited a bit longer? Probably not. She could not explain it but she had the feeling that, no matter what, that day would start again after her being knocked out. Perhaps she should watch that movie about the groundhog. Perhaps it would help as ridiculous as it may seem.

She finally walked out of the bathroom and went straight to the Christmas tree. She didn't even pay attention to Jane nor to that man she was talking to. Because yes, he was there. Of course. And yes, he and Jane were laughing together. Once again.

And once again the man noticed Maura which made Jane turn around.

"What are you doing by the tree, Maura?"

"I am waiting for it to knock me out."

Maura's nonchalance contrasted with Jane's spontaneous reactions.

As a matter of fact, Maura had never looked so defeated in her whole life. And there she was now, standing by the tree. Waiting for fate to do its job as much as she couldn't explain it.

Jane laughed nervously as she cast a glance at the stranger who had got to Beacon Hill without Maura knowing how. How had he got her address in the first place anyway?

"She went a bit hard on Margaritas..." Jane looked at Maura again. She waved at her to come to the door. "Water's in order for the rest of the evening, doctor. But in the meantime, I'd like to introduce you to..."

"I don't care."

Yes. Maura was impolite. She was fully aware of it but she really didn't give a damn even it seemed to take forever for her to get knocked out this time. And then it crossed her mind. Suddenly. Unexpectedly.

What if nothing happened? What if she didn't get knocked out? What if whatever weirdness she was going through was over? She swallowed hard. How would she explain her behavior to Jane? It would be embarrassing, so embarrassing.

Should she shake the tree and provoke her fate?

"What?! Maura..."

Jane looked shocked. And it hurt. It hurt Maura because she knew how unfair she was being right now. Jane couldn't guess. How could she? Maura had never told her anything. She had never told her about her feelings.

And why was she still conscious?

Maura sighed. Heavily. _Alright._ She made a step towards the door but she missed the tinsel plugged in the socket. She tripped over it and the Christmas tree fell on her immediately.

Once again.

She felt the sharpness of the needles on her nape. One more time. The weight of the tree on her head.

And Jane's gasp.

Black out. At last.


	9. Morning III

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all the reviews, they mean a lot to me especially now because I've been feeling a bit blue lately. I'm sorry for the late update, I wasn't available earlier on today.**

 **Chapter Nine – Morning III**

A loud bang woke Maura up abruptly. Heart beating fast in her chest, half-asleep brain trying to understand what was going on. Pale morning light piercing through the curtains of her bedroom. She could see the sky from her bed. She could see how low the clouds were. A gray landscape. It would snow, that much she was certain.

Sputters caught her attention. It came from downstairs, from her living-room. From the kitchen, maybe. And then she remembered everything.

A loud growl escaped her lips. How many times would this happen? And why? And how? Was it all just a dream? If it were then it had to be the longest night that she had ever lived.

Yet she knew that it wasn't a dream. She knew that she wasn't sleeping. She was fully awake and aware of everything. Yet absolutely not ready to live it all again.

What if she stayed in bed? Would Jane end up showing up? Would she poke her head inside the bedroom to tell Maura that Jo Friday had messed up with the Christmas tree? That it was the reason of the loud bang that had woken Maura up?

Was everything defined to happen according to a certain way? Or could she, Maura, try to change it the way she wanted to?

At least such thought made her focus on something else than on her frustration. She was a scientist and she was a very patient person. Perhaps she should try to take advantage of her own skills and temper to get the best out of this incomprehensible situation. She wasn't spontaneous. She knew it. Thus she couldn't rush downstairs and give Jane a passionate kiss. Besides she didn't like the idea. She didn't want to force anyone in a kiss.

She got up, put a woolen shawl on her shoulders and slowly walked out of her bedroom without really knowing what to do. She was moodless. She felt lost and blue. None of this made sense and it drove her crazy. Completely crazy.

Her steps led her downstairs. As expected, Jane was rummaging around in the Christmas tree that they had bought and set up together three weeks earlier. But Maura barely paid attention to her friend. She waved a vague hello and headed straight to the kitchen to pour herself a cup of coffee. Of course new pastries had been put down on the kitchen counter but Maura decided to not pick any. What if her body didn't follow the same scheme as the passing of time? She would end up with an extra ten pounds if she weren't careful.

"It's not ruined, Maura. I swear it's not. Look!" Jane showed the tree. "I've put it all back already."

Maura didn't even look at the tree. She was focused on her snowy patio, a hot mug of coffee in hand. At least the smell of caffeine was comforting.

And then she talked. Finally.

"I don't care."

The silence that followed her remark turned out to be a lot more entertaining than what she would have thought. She turned around and looked at Jane who seemed to be quite confused by her reaction.

"Really? But... It's... A Christmas tree. I know how you love them. Jo Friday messed up with it. The moment we walked in, she went straight for the tree and made it fall down. I'm sorry."

"Are you seeing someone?"

Maura blushed. She hadn't planned on being so blunt but the words had come out before her to even realize that they were about to hit the air. Jane frowned.

"What?!"

"I said: are you seeing someone? Are you dating someone? Or is there someone you would like to go on a date with?"

"Like... Who?!"

"I don't know." Trying to sound casual. Failing miserably. Maura held back a sigh of frustration. Why did she have to be such a bad actress? "A... A man... ? In his mid-forties, for instance. Dark hair, quite tall. Elegant."

Jane frowned again. She looked completely lost.

"That's quite a precise idea you have here."

"Maybe. So are you seeing someone?" Maura grabbed Jane's cell phone from the kitchen counter. She waved the device to Jane. "You're going to see him this afternoon. At the BPD."

"I'm not going to the BPD today. I'm on a day off. Have you forgotten about it?"

Maura shook her head.

"They're going to call you later on this morning. And you will have to go. Then once there, you'll see someone you like. Someone I don't know." Maura swallowed hard. "So please, answer my question, Jane. Are you seeing someone?"

Maura sounded jealous and she knew it. Just as she knew how ridiculous it was. But she hadn't had time to plan anything else. Thus she was trying to be spontaneous. What a big fail.

Jane laughed nervously. She cast a glance at Jo Friday who was peacefully sleeping on the couch then she looked at Maura again.

Maura frowned. Was Jane trying to win some time?

Jane shook her head.

"Are you alright, Maura? I mean... No offense but you sound a bit..."

A loud bang interrupted Jane. She turned around and looked at the door. Why had someone knocked so vehemently? A second bang echoed the first one. It made Jane jump.

Maura pouted. Jane hadn't answered. As a matter of fact, she had avoided an answer. And Jane wasn't like that. She was direct. Or at least she usually was. Maura looked at the door. She knew what was coming. And she could avoid it.

But she decided not to.

Or worse actually.

"Can you please answer the door for me, Jane?"

"Sure."

Tinsel in hand, Jane walked to the door with a strong determination. Maura smirked. Maybe Jane was not seeing anyone, maybe she didn't know yet who that man was, but the truth was so blurry anyway that Maura wanted to restart the day with her very own loud bang.

Jane barely had time to open the door that a snow ball hit her straight in the face. Children's laughter echoing in the distance. Their hurried steps muffled by the snow.

Maura brought the mug to her lips in order to hide her smile. She wasn't moodless anymore. Not at all. She had been too weak until now. Lacking self-confidence. The tears, the doubts. It was over now. She was here to fight and win. To be strong and in control of everything.

Third time was a charm. She was ready to prove it and it started now.


	10. Lunch III

**Author's Note : Thank you very much for all your reviews and lovely words about me, it means a lot. It really does. **

**Chapter Ten – Lunch III**

Jane looked at her cell phone for a couple of seconds before looking at Maura. She frowned. Maura was peacefully reading some science magazine while sipping on her organic Christmas tea as if she didn't give a damn about what had just happened. Yet what had just happened was anything but normal. Jane didn't believe in coincidences. Even less when said coincidences were linked one way or another to Maura.

"How... How did you know they were gonna call me?! This is my day off. I'm not supposed to work today. How did you know? Did they call you? Did..."

It didn't make sense at all.

Maura didn't even bother looking at Jane. To be honest, she was kind of glad that Jane was about to leave because she had a lot to prepare for the evening. Of course she still had to deal with her mother who would show up to the Beacon Hill house within a few minutes now. But all in all, Maura was confident. Everything would go smoothly. She was in control.

In control of absolutely and literally everything.

She could do it.

"Call it instinct."

"I thought you didn't trust your instinct."

But Jane didn't have much time to lose. She had to leave immediately, even more now that the roads were snowy and icy. It would take her longer to reach the BPD. The traffic would be horrible. She knew it. Just as she knew that she did not have much of a choice.

So she went for her coat and missed how Maura rolled her eyes at her remark. Then she mumbled apologies before saying goodbye.

Maura put the magazine down on the coffee table the moment Jane left and closed the door. She stood up, smiled at Jo Friday who was obviously enjoying a cozy moment by the fireplace and walked to her desk. She turned her iPad on and made some research.

A knock on the door almost immediately interrumpted her.

"It's open!"

The silence that followed highlighted the surprise caused by Maura's words but Constance Isles nonetheless ended up walking in. Yet she stopped there, just by the door. With a look of confusion on her face.

"Were you expecting me? You shouldn't yell at anyone who knocks at the door to come in, Maura. We're in Boston. In a city. Who knows who could come in?"

Maura shrugged very matter-of-factly.

"Should I be worried about you coming in though? Not really." Maura cast a glance at her living-room. She sighed then talked again to her mother who was still looking at her with great perplexity. "I don't know if we should stay here or go out... I... Well..."

And then it hit Maura. She had self-confident but absolutely no plan whatsoever. She had no idea how to win against this odd trick of the passing of time. She had no idea why it was happening, how it worked. The only thing she knew was that she had to find a way to let Jane know about all these feelings she had for her. And maybe she also had to find a way to prevent Jane from meeting that mysterious man who kept on ruining Maura's plans. Maybe. Probably.

But where to start in order to achieve all this?

"Have you ever watched _Groundhog Day_?"

Constance looked at her daughter as if she had just lost her mind. She shook her head and finally made a few steps into the living-room. She seemed distraught but then Maura was being strange. A bit off as if she had been knocked out by some force.

"I don't know much about animals, I'm afraid. Though we do have the National Geographic Channel, I guess..."

Maura held back a laugh. It was clear where her lack of popular culture knowledge came from. Yet she didn't say anything mean. It wouldn't have been fair. After all, she still ignored to the existence of that movie two days earlier herself.

Or at least it was a two-day-earlier scheme of some sort.

"But you don't want to watch it, do you? You want to go out with me. You want me to pick a restaurant and maybe a nice little coffee after a walk through Boston Common. You want to bond, to have one of these mother-daughter moments that we've never really had. And then I'd tell you all about my life. It's what you want, don't you?"

"Maura, are you alright?"

Maura shrugged. That was the most honest answer she could give her mother right now. She had no idea how she felt. She kept on going from being self-confident to feeling lost and hopeless.

But then there was Jane. She had to focus on Jane. Jane was her goal.

"We could order lunch and share it here. I mean... This house... I like this house. It's my house. I feel fine here. And safe. So why going out?"

"... Okay. It's all fine to me, Maura."

Clearly it wasn't all fine but Constance looked worried and she didn't want to upset Maura. So she took her coat off, hung it by the door and walked back into the living-room before standing still by the couch. She looked lost.

"Good. Besides... Hmm... There's something I'd like to talk to you about."

Maura didn't want to go out. She wanted to stay in in order to set up her plan. And perhaps her mother would help, in her own way. Perhaps she would come up with other advices as well. It all depended on how Maura worded the situation after all. Everything was possible. Absolutely everything.

And then when Jane came back, they would talk. Openly. Freely. And Maura would give her the ring.

There had to be a way. Somewhere, somehow. Maura couldn't remain stuck on Christmas Eve for the rest of her life. Would she even age if that ever happened? Would she ever go back to work? She didn't want to stay trapped in that incomprehensible scheme. She had to find a way out of it. Or else she would end up crazy.

And maybe instead of seeing people as obstacles, she needed to start seeing them as allies.


	11. Afternoon III

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for the reviews and the kind words (and for the ones who have bought my novel and loved it)! Something big should (finally) happen in the next chapter so... Stay tuned!**

 **Chapter Eleven – Afternoon III**

"I am proud of you."

Of all the remarks her mother could have told her, Maura hadn't expected that one to come out. As a matter of fact, she wasn't even sure to understand why her mother had just told her that. There was nothing to be proud of when it came to her love life. If she had succeeded in her professional career, Maura had to admit that her romantic life had been closer to a series of failures than to anything else so far.

So she blushed, felt the heat go up her cheeks. Then she looked down without knowing what to say back. Getting compliments from her parents was too rare of a thing for her to know how to handle it. She wasn't good at this. It warmed her heart, it really did, but she didn't know how to accept the words and their meaning.

"I mean it, Maura."

Of course, Constance Isles meant it. Constance Isles always meant what she said. She was honest, blunt even. And it was the exact reason why so many people found her to be intimidating. But she didn't realize this. She didn't realize this at all.

"Hmm... What if it doesn't work though?"

They had spent the last two hours coming up with a plan. A plan to get Maura to confess her feelings to Jane. Maura hadn't told her mother about that strange trick of time she seemed to be trapped in and for the first time she hadn't tried to get closer to the BPD. What for anyway? She didn't see herself stop Jane and that man in the middle of the street. What she had to say to Jane was too personal.

Besides, the more she thought about it the more she realized that she didn't know who the stranger was. And maybe he was absolutely no threat. Maybe.

"What if it does?"

Then she would be happy. Surprised at first but then immensely happy. Yet she didn't want to fantasize about it. Just in case. One thing at a time.

"Do you want to watch this movie with me? _Groundhog Day_."

Maura wished she could have said something about what was going on but she was too afraid to sound crazy. So not only was she desperate about her feelings but she also felt lost before whatever she was going through. It didn't make sense at all.

Yet she highly doubted that she would find an answer in some Hollywood movie.

Constance took her time to reply. Obviously she wasn't very eager to watch it but the situation was such that she ended up nodding timidly.

"Sure, why not. I came today to spend some time with you. So if you want to watch this movie then let's do it. However... Why are you so eager to watch it? In the middle of the day, besides."

Maura shrugged. How could she explain it to her mother without sounding like she had lost her mind? She couldn't lie to her either.

"I need to get my mind on something else."

Because if she didn't then she would think about Jane. She would obsess over it and when Jane showed up then Maura would begin to panic. And she didn't want to panic. She was tired of missing out her chance. It wouldn't happen again. She wouldn't let it happen again.

Thus getting her mind on something else wasn't a lie per se. And Constance Isles seemed to find Maura's argument fair enough.

"I need to leave at..."

"At 6pm for a cocktail that is held at 7pm. Yes, I know. You will call a taxi, it's all fine."

Constance frowned.

"How do you know about the cocktail? I didn't tell you about it."

Maura didn't answer. She walked to the kitchen instead in order to brew some tea. It was snowing hard now. She looked at the flakes for a while, a bit absentmindedly, then wondered if it had snowed the first times around at this hour. Was a weather fluctuation possible in spite of Christmas Eve repeating itself over and over? Or did she have to see it as a sign that something was finally changing?

Whatever it was, she hoped that it was for the best. She had had enough with the worst for now.

…

And then the credits rolled.

Maura remained still, silent. She wasn't sure what to think about _Groundhog Day_ , especially if she wanted to compare it to her own experience. Would telling Jane her feelings put an end to this repetitive scheme? But why? And how? The movie was a fiction. Her life wasn't. Her life was real, concrete. Nobody was writing it. Nobody but her.

"It was... Interesting."

Her mother's voice took her out of her thoughts. She nodded, vaguely, and stood up to bring back the teapot to the kitchen. Clearly it wasn't the kind of movies that the Isles usually watched and Maura could have done without it. Especially now because she felt even more confused. And uncomfortable.

"Have you... Have you ever had déjà-vu experiences?"

Maura looked down at the sink. If she hadn't moved then her mother was still sitting on the couch and she was probably looking at her now. But Maura couldn't tell because she had her back turned at her mother. It felt safer that way.

Constance replied almost immediately though. Very matter-of-factly.

"Of course, I have. Haven't we all? But I'm not sure we can speak about déjà-vu in this movie. What is happening to the protagonist is quite different. Obviously it's pure... Science-fiction."

Science-fiction.

Maura nodded. She agreed with her mother yet she had to admit that she wasn't going through science-fiction herself. Because science-fiction didn't happen in real life and this was real life. The teapot felt too real in her hands. Just like the taste of tea and the scent of the candles burning. But then if it wasn't science-fiction, what was it?

"Have you never had the feeling to have already lived a moment in your life?"

The question caused Maura to smirk. Her mother couldn't guess how on point she was. And how none of this made sense.

"More times than you can imagine, as a matter of fact."

But one more time, it would have to wait. It would have to wait because now that the movie was over and that a couple of hours had passed by, it was time for Maura to prepare her plan.


	12. Evening III

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for your reviews. I wanted to let you know that I will write the sequel to Nine Months just after this story so if you don't remember what it's all about, it's now or never to reread it!**

 **As for the anonymous "Frustrated" reviewever (of course, it had to be anonymous, cowardice always wears the same mask)... 1. I've never written long chapters 2. I post on every Sunday at the same hour, if that's not being consistent then I don't know what it is. Be less of a coward next time and don't post anonymously.**

 **Chapter Twelve – Evening III**

Jane walked into the Beacon Hill house only to find the living-room lit by dozen of candles, the table set for the dinner and Jo Friday sleeping on the couch. Had the dog been sleeping all day? Jane took her coat off. The house was silent.

"Maura? I'm here."

Maura must have been upstairs. There was no way that she would let candles burn if she had to go out. Jane smiled as she noticed the scent of said candles. Candy cane. Her favorite one.

She was about to walk towards the stairs when she noticed a present in her plate along with an envelope. It had Maura's handwriting on it. Jane came closer to it and read the message.

 _For Jane, from Maura_

 _Please open it now_

 _A gesture is sometimes worth a thousand words_

Jane frowned. What was going on? She had to admit that her curiosity was piqued. And where was Maura? Why hadn't she answered when she had called her name? Jane grabbed the present though and opened it. As unusual as the situation was, she was in a good mood and felt like playing along without complaining. She trusted Maura anyway. She always did.

So she opened the small box and gasped.

The ring. The ring she had seen at that antique store a few weeks earlier. The ring she had liked a lot but she hadn't bought. The ring she hadn't talked about to anyone, not even to Maura. And then Jane noticed the difference. There, engraved on the back of the jewel.

A date. Their date.

"Do you remember that day? Do you remember it as much as I do?"

Maura's voice didn't make Jane jump even if Jane hadn't heard Maura walk in the living-room. She simply nodded and kept on staring at the ring.

Seven steps at the most. Maura counted them in her head. Seven steps separated her from Jane right now. A mere nothing, especially after all these years of silence over her feelings. She had walked down the stairs quietly and had watched how Jane had found the present. How she had unwrapped it. How she had gasped when she had understood that this was the ring.

"Something happened on that day, on the day we met. It took me a while to realize it but as soon as I did, I understood absolutely everything. It all made sense in the most glorious and terrifying way ever." Maura made a step towards Jane. Jane remained still with her back turned at Maura and the ring in her hand. The only difference was that her hand was shaking now. "We have never talked about it. Or at least not really... But... You gave sense to my life on that day, Jane. You..."

Maura stopped in her tracks as the words stayed trapped in her throat. She had repeated them to herself over and over but standing in front of a mirror wasn't the same as standing a few feet away from Jane. But she couldn't stop now. She couldn't stop or else the passing of time would catch back on her and everything would fail again. She knew it. That man she ignored everything about except the fact he made Jane smile would knock on the door of her house soon and one more time it would be too late. She couldn't afford to lose a second here.

"I love you. I'm in love with you."

Maura swallowed hard. Had she been too blunt? She had forgotten half of the sentences she had thought about earlier in the afternoon. That beautiful speech that she wanted to tell Jane. But what could she say? Life was never as perfect as some dreams were.

"I don't want to lose you."

Maura's voice broke at this point. Reality was harsh and bitter. Because the words she had just said reflected her biggest fear ever. The one that had prevented her from saying anything any time earlier. It was her silence that had got the best of her. A silence can be so exhausting, so heavy to bear. She just had to tell the truth. She owed to her, to Jane.

Jane.

Why did she remain so still? Why didn't she say something?

"It's... It's okay if you... You know, if you don't feel the same about me. I'm just... I'm just too tired to keep on pretending that... That it's not the way I feel. I don't have a hold over it. I wish I had though. I wish I had because I'm so afraid it's going to ruin everything."

A long and heavy silence welcomed Maura's words. It echoed loudly in the room before wrapping her fragile frame of an unbearable loneliness. It was the lack of reaction that scared her. Jane hadn't moved an inch.

"... Jane...?"

If Maura hadn't been as focused as she was on Jane then she would have probably missed the move for it turned out to be almost invisible. A couple of inches barely. Jane's head turning aside. Slightly. And then her voice. Low, insecure.

"I..."

The knock on the door made Maura jump. Heart beating loud in her chest. Hands moist. The taste of uncertainty in her mouth.

"Excuse me... Oh, hey Jane!"

Maura turned around. If she had somewhat expected the knock on the door, she hadn't expected the intrusion at all. Yet there was that man, that stranger, standing by the door that Jane hadn't properly closed when she had walked in a few minutes earlier. Maura held back a sigh of frustration.

Not now. It couldn't happen now.

"Adam?! What are you doing here?"

Jane's voice sounded blank and fragile, just as much as the steps she made to walk towards the man Maura was staring at without knowing if she should kill him or just burst into tears.

Adam. His name was Adam. And Jane wasn't expecting him.

"Korsak gave me the address when we realized you had forgotten..." Adam noticed Maura and waved at her shyly. "I'm sorry to show up at your place. You must be Dr. Isles. Nice to meet you. I'm Adam McKay, an old colleague of Jane."

A colleague. An old colleague.

Maura looked at the hand Adam was holding out for her to shake. As polite as Adam was, he could not have chosen a worst timing. How would she and Jane ever be able to resume the conversation they were having? The atmosphere was strange, the awkwardness heavy and loud.

Why couldn't it just go as planned?

Maura's eyes landed briefly on Jane. She looked uncomfortable and overwhelmed. Who wouldn't be anyway? So in order to escape from that suffocating sensation that held a tight grip on her throat, Maura forced a smile and looked at Adam.

She held out her hand. Her fingers brushed his. But as she wanted to make a step towards him, she tripped over one of Jo Friday's toys and barely had time to hear Jane call her name as the Christmas tree knocked her out again.

Black out.


	13. Morning IV

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for the reviews and the messages. I'll try to answer to them later on!**

 **Chapter Thirteen – Morning IV**

A loud bang woke Maura up abruptly. Heart beating fast in her chest, half-asleep brain trying to understand what was going on. Pale morning light piercing through the curtains of the bedroom. She could see the sky from her bed. She could guess how low the clouds were. A gray landscape. It would snow, that much she was certain.

Sputters caught her attention. It came from downstairs, from her living-room. From the kitchen, maybe. Then she remembered everything and she started crying.

It hadn't worked out. The Christmas tree had knocked her out again. That same Christmas tree that Jo Friday had just messed up with. The noise causing her to wake up. And it was Christmas Eve. Again. Her efforts had been ripped into pieces.

 _Focus. Be strong. Don't let emotions get the best of you. You can't afford it. You know you can't. So now get up and fight for what is fair._

She did although the idea of spending the day in bed crossed her mind for a couple of seconds. After all if fate was that stubborn and incomprehensible then she would still get knocked out by the tree one way or another. Unless she understood what was going on. Unless she managed to overcome it.

So she got up and she stopped crying. She put a woolen shawl on her shoulders but instead of going downstairs right away, she grabbed a piece of paper and began to write down what she should have said a long time earlier. Right from the very beginning.

…

"We're going to put the tree in the corner by the fireplace. It's too dangerous by the door. Someone could get knocked out."

Jane jumped and immediately turned around. She hadn't heard Maura come downstairs. Yet there was Maura, in her pajama's and a woolen shawl on her shoulders. By the stairs.

"What? We've always set it by the door and nobody has ever got knocked out. It's just Jo Friday who messed up with it as we arrived this morning. But I've put everything back into place. Look!"

Maura shrugged. For the very first time, she was feeling peaceful. At the right place, with the right person. At the right time. Something had changed, something had shifted in her state of mind. And she felt light, so light.

"Don't you think it would look beautiful by the fireplace though? I think it would. Come on, Jane. Help me. A little change can't do any harm."

So they did. Together. They moved the tree and once they were done, Maura walked to the kitchen in order to brew some tea. The pastries were on the kitchen counter. She grabbed one and bit into it. The loud knock on the door caused her to smile. Without even looking up, she dismissed it with a gesture of the hand. Her soft voice hitting the air kindly.

"It's okay, don't be worried. It's just the children of the neighborhood throwing snow balls."

"They do that here?! In Beacon Hill?!"

Jane looked at the door but she didn't go to open it. Instead she remained on the couch and gladly accepted the mug of tea Maura gave her as soon as the drink got ready.

The knocks on the door stopped.

"Children are children, no matter the social class they belong to."

Beacon Hill was a quiet and wealthy neighborhood but a stroll to the nearest public garden was enough to let people understand that even there children were playful.

"Ma' called. She says hi."

Maura nodded. Of course she was anything but surprised by Jane's remark but she simply accepted it and smiled. She took a sip of her tea, folded her legs under her and stared at an invisible point in front of her. Then she took a deep breath and cleared her voice.

"Do you know someone named Adam? Adam McKay?"

The question came out of nowhere and perhaps Maura should have been less blunt but she really wanted to solve this. And now. Jane froze. Not as if she had been caught doing something wrong but as if she had missed something. A detail that would have explained Maura's question.

"... Yeah. Adam was a colleague. He and his wife moved to San Francisco the year you got elected. You missed him by a few days, I think. How come you know him? Did someone tell you something about him?"

A wife. San Francisco. Yet the biggest piece of the puzzle was still missing.

"Did you date him?"

Jane choked on her tea. And if Maura had looked at her at this exact moment then she would have noticed how red Jane's cheeks were.

"What?! Of course not! He was like... What I know? A brother to me? Who told you that? Have I missed some kind of rumor at the BPD?"

Maura nodded to herself. Slowly. Then she dismissed Jane's question. Jane sounded honest, she really did. But then Maura noticed a detail, a detail that Jane had just said.

"Why have you never mentioned him if he was like a brother to you? You never told me about him."

"Because there was no reason to? Maura... Maura, look at me." But Maura didn't move so Jane slid a hand along her friend's cheek to force her to finally make eye-contact. "Are you... Are you alright? You look high and you sound mysterious. Is there something you wanna tell me?"

 _A thousand things. But mostly one actually._

But Maura shook her head peacefully. The frustration she had felt on the previous occasions had vanished. And she deeply enjoyed her and Jane's current dynamic. It was just a lovely morning, a lovely morning between the two of them.

Exactly what she needed to make of that day an unforgettable one.

"He's in town. Adam is here. He's going to pay you a visit."

"Really?! Oh... Well, now that's quite a surprise. Who told you?"

"... Would you like some more tea?"

No, Maura hadn't answered Jane's question and she would probably never do. Because she didn't know what was going on. Why it was happening. She only hoped that it would come to an end soon and that, no matter the nature of Jane's feelings for her, Christmas Day would come and she would be happy. Just as she was now.

Genuinely happy.


	14. Lunch IV

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all the reviews. The story should be over within 3 chapters now. Then I'll start working on that Nine Months sequel. :)**

 **Chapter Fourteen – Lunch IV**

"Before you go, there's something I want to give you. Something special. It's not a present though."

Jane stopped halfway between the kitchen and the entrance door. The BPD had just called her in and she had no choice but to cancel her plans with Maura today. She felt disappointed, sorry and angry.

She hated it when it happened. She hated leaving Maura behind. It always caused her heart to ache because even if Maura pretended that it was okay, Jane knew that it wasn't. It wasn't okay. It wasn't okay at all. And it made Maura feel sad.

"Ahem... 'kay. What is it?"

Maura gave Jane an envelope. White paper against her pale skin. Her hand was shaking in spite of her trying to control the emotions that were going throughout her body. She smiled. A pale, shy smile.

"Please don't read it now. Not just now... Read it before coming back here this evening. Not before your day at the BPD is over. Not before seeing Adam. Just... This is important."

"Should I be worried? Maura, if there's something wrong please tell me now."

"No... It's fine. I'm fine. It's just... It's just that you can't read it now. Please promise me you won't. It's... It's very important."

Jane nodded. She didn't insist and put the envelope in the pocket of her winter coat. Then she smiled at Maura apologetically before leaving.

Maura closed her eyes for brief seconds. She took a deep breath and smiled. She felt light, in peace. She had spent a lovely morning with Jane talking about everything and nothing at the same time. A smooth, pleasant day. A perfect Christmas Eve.

Then when the BPD had called, she hadn't got mad. She had simply walked back to her bedroom in order to grab the letter that she had written just after waking up a few hours earlier.

And everything was in Jane's hands now. Absolutely everything.

Constance knocked on the door. Maura opened and welcomed her mother in. She was happy to see her mother, happy to notice the effort Constance Isles had put in the whole thing. It was a suprise visit, after all. A very rare event in their life. And Maura had decided that she wanted to take the best out of it.

"I'll be ready in twenty minutes. Please sit down in the meantime."

Constance did. Maura went back upstairs to have a shower and get dressed.

…

"What do you think about love?"

"That it's too cruel at times."

"Really?!"

Maura almost froze. Hands in the pockets of her winter coat, she stared at her mother as if she had lost her mind. Of all the possible answers Constance could give, this was not the one Maura would have thought that she would have chosen. And yet Constance hadn't hesitated the mere second.

She had been blunt. Awfully direct and harshly honest.

"Of course. Haven't you realized it by now? As much as you aren't married, you aren't a child anymore and you do have a bit of experience on the matter, Maura. Unless you're more naïve than I thought you were."

Alright. Maura swallowed hard. She had hoped for a warmer answer, a more hopeful one. Her mother's words were a tad too pessimistic for her right now.

"I'm in love."

"With Jane. Yes, I know. Listen... There's an excellent French restaurant just at the corner. How about having lunch there?"

Maura remained quiet. One more time her mother had taken her aback completely. What did she mean that she already knew? How come? It wasn't _that_ evident. Was it? Her silence caused Constance to laugh out loud.

"You're not a very good actress, Maura. I'm really sorry to break the news to you but... Of course, it's Jane. Of course you're in love with her. It was obvious even before you realized it yourself!"

"Have you talked to someone about it?"

Blank voice. Maura began to breathe more slowly to prevent herself from getting lost in a pure whirl of sheer panic. Her reaction contrasted deeply with her mother's cool attitude.

"Your father. And we're both fine with it if this is what you're afraid of. We're not as close-minded as you think we are."

"I don't think you are."

"Yes, you do. In your own way. Because of the education you received and your father and I are responsible of it. But... We can see beyond social classes. You've changed a lot since you've met Jane. In a good way. She has a good influence on you. It's obvious. She's a nice person. As for the fact she's a woman, we've already told you that it wasn't an issue at all."

They soon reached the gates of Boston Common. The park looked beautiful in the snow. Pure and delicate. Maura looked at it for a while. She didn't know what to say. Her mother was being way too nonchalant to not take her aback.

"Oh, look!"

Constance Isles showed a squirrel a few feet away. The small animal was running from a tree to another leaving behind little paw prints on the untouched snow. Maura smiled.

"She doesn't know. Jane doesn't know. What if it isn't mutual?"

Constance shrugged off the question.

"It is. She's not really a better actress than you are. However it may be more complicated for her to accept it. Then... Well, you'll have to be patient."

"I've already been."

This time Maura's whisper caught Constance's attention. The woman turned around and looked at her daughter with great confusion. The city was oddly quiet for a Christmas Eve. Especially for a snowy one. And Maura would have sworn that we could hear her breathing right now because of the silence around them.

"What do you mean? She turned you down? Nobody turns down my daughter!"

"Well, she did. Somehow. Perhaps. In another life."

Although it wasn't really another life. Just another scheme of the passing of time. Another time dimension, perhaps. Another... Maura had no idea what it was. But it kept on happening and she really needed to talk about it now.

"What on Earth are you talking about, Maura? Are you going through a New Age midlife crisis?"

The words wouldn't come out. As much as Maura wanted to say them, they all remained inside. Trapped somewhere between her throat and her lips. And they hurt. They hurt and made her panick. She didn't know what to do with all of this. Yet it weighed too much for her to keep on hiding it.

"We need to talk. Something strange has been happening to me lately."


	15. Afternoon IV

**Author's Notee: Thank you very much for all the reviews! The update's a bit early today because I have plans later on. It's a bit short too but you'll easily see why when you read it. Enjoy!**

 **Chapter Fifteen – Afternoon IV**

 _Dear Jane,_

 _Perhaps I should have written this letter a thousand years ago or should have never written it in the first place. I don't know, I have no idea, and sometimes we just have to accept this deep uncertainty._

 _But it's weighing. It's weighing on me and I need to let the words come out. I've tried to say them out loud. In vain. I'm not brave enough. As a matter of fact, I'm scared. I'm scared of losing you, of losing all the things you've brought to me. All my life. You gave sense to it in a way you can barely imagine and it's irresponsible from me to even think about putting it at risk for personal, selfish reasons._

 _So I want to apologize if I ever hurt you, if I make you uncomfortable. This was never my intention. I hope you understand this._

 _I'm in love with you._

 _Retrospectively, I can even say that it has always been you and just you. It took me a while to figure it out but now I know for sure. And I don't know what to make of this._

 _It probably doesn't make sense but I don't have a hold over my feelings in the end. I can't help it. For too long I've tried to ignore them but they're too strong and pretending the opposite is exhausting. So that's why I've decided to embrace these feelings. And to let you know, no matter what. No matter the impact it's going to have on our bond._

 _In a perfect world, one doesn't fall in love with a friend. One cherishes a friendship and grows from it. But my life is not perfect. It's never been. It has its flaws and its deep, complex issues I'm trying to handle on a daily basis. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I fail. I probably mostly fail though. I'm not good at talking, at building human relationships. Even this I wasn't able to tell you. I had to write it down with all the cowardice I can show._

 _I'm not asking anything in return. I can't force you to have the same feelings towards me. Of course I wish these were mutual as it would make everything sweet but... I just hope that it won't make you run away from me. That, if you don't share these feelings, you will still glad to be my friend as I am to be yours. It is a honor to have you in my life, Jane. You're the best thing that ever happened to me._

 _When you come back home tonight, I won't be there. I will be in Boston Common, by the tree you and I love so much for whatever reason. The one we always sit by. And I'll be waiting, ridiculously hoping. If your feelings were to be the same as mine, as much as I have a hard time believing that they are, I will be there. And you will know where to find me._

 _If you want to. If you feel ready for it. Ready for something._

 _And if not, it's alright. I just hope that it won't be too awkward. Please don't run away from me. I promise you that I won't talk to you about it anymore. I will turn the page. Somehow. I will find a way._

 _I hate that it had to be you because it makes everything so much complicated. I don't even know when exactly it happened. Maybe another trick of time. Little by little. Step by step. Until the day it hits you hard._

 _We've never talked about such possibility. I never dared to say anything. Will I ever regret this letter? Maybe. Yes, maybe I will in spite of the relief I'm already feeling._

 _I hope you haven't read this letter earlier. I hope that you have kept your promise and only got to read it when I told you to do it. It was not the way I had planned it to go but then I hadn't planned on falling in love with you either. You often tell me I should let go, how freeing it is. Well... This is what I'm doing now. Or at least I'm trying. And it's not easy. It's anything but easy. I'm scared you reject me, not as a potential lover but as a friend. My life doesn't make sense without you, Jane. It doesn't make the slightest sense. Nothing makes sense when I'm not with you._

 _So... Whatever you decide to do, whatever you may be feeling towards me... I want to thank you. For everything. And if it ever had to come to an end now then you need to know that I will never regret the years I've got to spend with you. These have been the best years of my life. You've brought me so much more than any other person I met. So much more..._

 _Thank you for everything, Jane._

 _Thank you so much._

 _Maura._

The letter has been written on a surprisingly low quality paper. A white one. Maura's handwriting looks feverish, so different from its usual perfection. It reflects a thousand things that, perhaps, she should have said but that her tormented soul made her forget. Perhaps.

Nobody really knows. Not even Jane.

But Jane has kept her promise and she has read the letter later on. Several times. She has looked at every word, has weighed their meaning and whatever echo it has on her heart. Her hands are shaking and she suddenly has forgotten the murmur of the BPD activity on that busy Christmas Eve.

It's snowing outside. Again. And Boston is slowly disappearing under another layer of pure whiteness. Jane looks out of the window. She thinks about the tree Maura mentions in her letter. The Boston Common tree. Their tree.

Then she thinks about Maura.

Maura.

She feels lost, vulnerable and lonely. She would like to talk to someone but she doesn't dare to turn to anyone. Not even to Frost or Korsak. So she takes a deep breath before focusing back on the letter and she reads it again quietly.


	16. Evening IV

**Author's Note: One more chapter and we're done. Then I think I'll take a two-week break in order to work a bit on the sequel to Nine Months. Thanks a lot for all your reviews!**

 **Chapter Sixteen – Evening IV**

Alone on the bench, Maura looked lonely and vulnerable. Her frame even more petite than the usual. The wind made the snow flakes dance around her head before letting them rest on top of her hair. On the ground now covered by an impressive layer of whiteness. The night had fallen and the park was full of people coming and going. Shopping bags in hand. Soft music played somewhere in the background. It probably came from the Christmas market. Old tunes. Golden little lights everywhere.

The world kept on turning, unaware of all the rest. Unaware of Maura's fast heartbeats, of that tiny voice in her head that kept on telling her that it would be alright even if Jane didn't show up. That, maybe, she would wake up on the next day and be forced to do it all over again. And then she would feel relieved. Somehow. Because Jane wouldn't remember the letter.

Yes. Forgetting about it sounded like a wise plan.

Maura hadn't lost hope but as the hours had passed by, she had begun to realize how crazy her decision had been to handle Jane this letter. And her self-confidence had vanished. Not all of a sudden but little by little. One second after the other.

And she didn't know anything anymore.

She was tired though. Tired of everything, from this time scheme that kept on repeating itself to her feelings for Jane. Yet she couldn't imagine Jane come to Boston Common. She couldn't imagine her dismiss all the rest just for her. This wasn't how Jane worked.

At one point Maura had thought about not going to the park. The comfort of her home was way better. And safer. Why risking such failure? But the possibility of Jane showing up, as tiny as it was, had pushed her to put her coat on and walk till Boston Common.

Just in case. Just in case.

And then what? Even if Jane showed up, what would happen next? What would happen to them? Would they become a couple? Just like that? Going from friendship to a romantic relationship within seconds? This only happened in movies. And yet. Barely.

The future had never been so uncertain. Neither dark nor bright. No. It was just blank.

Curly hair caught Maura's attention. Her heart skipped a beat. In vain. Within a second, she realized that the woman wasn't Jane.

In a perfect life, Jane would show up. She would walk to Maura and she would kiss her without saying the slightest thing. Because words wouldn't be needed. And they would stay in each other's arms for an eternity with that soft music playing in the background. And it would be perfect, magic.

If only.

But perfection didn't exist.

This was something Maura had understood very early in her life. Too early. She still could feel the disappointments that she had suffered as a child. Some days they hurt. Some days she managed to forget the pain they brought her. Some days they made her feel stronger. Today she didn't know. Her life was confusing, too confusing at the moment. Too uncertain.

Maybe there was hope. Maybe.

Or maybe not.

Maura checked her watch. Jane was ten minutes late if she ever wanted to come at all. It was getting cold. Too cold. Unless it was despair that made Maura shiver alone on that bench.

She looked up at the tree that she and Jane loved so much for whatever reason. They often sat by it, talking for ages or not saying the slightest thing. The silence between the two of them had always been comforting. And easy. It had to mean something.

Jane was the only person Maura could spend an eternity with and yet not say the slightest word without feeling awkward. Her presence by her side was enough to calm her down and bring her peace.

Yet she wouldn't come. Would she?

What would happen if Jane didn't show up? Would Maura have to go back home and wait for the Christmas tree to knock her out again? Or that trick of time was over and the day wouldn't repeat itself? How did it work? Who controlled it in the end? Too many questions for not a single answer.

What Maura feared the most was the awkwardness. As much as she had been sincere in her letter, she did know that if her feelings weren't mutual then it would never be the same between her and Jane. And maybe she had lost the game already. Maybe. Maybe she had ruined everything.

Twenty minutes late.

Why did the passing of time suddenly have to go so fast? Why did it hurt so much? Why did it feel so bitter to be alive? Maura swallowed hard.

She should have known better than to write Jane a letter. She should have known better and remain quiet. No matter how it hurt. Being spontaneous wasn't made for her. What had she been thinking about? Had she been thinking at all? Why this letter? Why?

Something cold landed on her cheek. And it's only when it reached the corner of her mouth that she realized it wasn't a snow flake but a tear.

Thirty minutes late.

Reality is cruel at times. Too cruel.

Maura stood up. Slowly. Her feet pressed against the snow until they touched the asphalt under the layer of whiteness. She had never felt so light, so lifeless. She turned on her right and looked at the path in front of her. People were still coming and going, unaware of her presence. Unaware of her silent tears.

She had ruined everything.

 _Time to go home_.

And then she saw her. There, at the end of the path. Behind the crowd. She was standing still and looked just as vulnerable. Uncertain. Lost. Maura didn't move. She let a few seconds pass by just in case it would be a trick of her mind. But nope. It was Jane who was standing there.

Jane.

Her cheeks were red. Her eyes were shining. She looked pale.

Then everything sped up. The crowd became blurry. The seconds flew by. And before Maura could realize it, she had closed the distance with Jane, had slid a hand on her nape to drag her closer and had captured her lips in a kiss.


	17. Epilogue

**Author's Note: Thank you all for the reviews. As promised, here comes the epilogue. I hope that you will enjoy it. I'll come back soon with the sequel to Nine Months!**

 **Chapter Seventeen – Epilogue**

Maura woke up remembering absolutely everything from the way she had kissed Jane in the heart of Boston Common to the moment they had reached her townhouse. Hand in hand. She remembered the evening that they had spent together. The night as well.

Then she had fallen asleep in Jane's arms and she was now afraid of opening her eyes to realize that, for whatever reason, Christmas Eve was about to start again.

She had got it. She had overcome her fears and had let Jane know about the feelings that she had for her. And Jane felt the same. They hadn't put words on anything but words weren't needed anyway. Or at least not yet. Not just yet. They had understood. Together.

Yet what if Maura had to do it all over again? What if the efforts she had put in her actions the day before were actually vain? Would she be able to find the energy? And would it stop? Why was this incomprehensible scheme happening to her? It defied everything that she believed in. What if she were stuck in it forever?

Thus, too afraid of opening her eyes, she tried to focus on her other senses. But the house was quiet and the bed seemed empty. She had spent the night with Jane though. That much she was certain.

Had Jane walked away? Unless she was downstairs working on the Christmas tree that Jo Friday would have knocked down again.

What had woken Maura up? A sound? The daylight piercing through the curtains?

She swallowed hard. She couldn't stay in bed forever, with her eyes closed besides. She had to do something. She had to face whatever was coming. Holding back a sigh, Maura opened her eyes and looked at the side of the bed where Jane had fallen asleep.

The side was empty. She had gathered her clothes as well.

Then she had left.

Maura cleared her voice. She opened her mouth but not a single sound came out. She lacked the courage it took to call Jane and face nothing but a cold, empty house.

If it happened then at least it meant that the trick of time was over though.

Maura rolled on her side and looked out the window. The snow had stopped falling but the trees were white and the sky was gray. The clouds were low, heavy. It must have been cold outside.

And then a sound caught her attention. At last. It came from downstairs. From the living-room or from the kitchen. She couldn't say.

"Oh no... Please, not again."

Shaking voice.

She got up nonetheless. Pushed by despair and frustration. She grabbed a woolen shawl and put it around her shoulders before sneaking out of her bedroom. She could hear Jane's voice now from the corridor. Jane was talking to someone. Probably Jo Friday. Though Maura was too far from her to actually guess what she was saying. Even her tone was hard to pick.

So Maura walked to the stairs. She took them down, fearing the worst. Going slowly. Her bare feet felt cold against the hardwood floor. She couldn't stop shaking.

She made it downstairs. Jane wasn't by the door nor by the Christmas tree.

What was going on?

"Dammit!"

Maura turned around at light speed as Jane's voice rose in her back. She blinked as if to make sure that she wasn't dreaming. Jane was in the kitchen. A tray was on the kitchen island with two mugs on it. Two plates by the stove ready for the eggs that Jane was cooking.

Maura swallowed hard.

Had she got it? Was it Christmas Day? Or still Christmas Eve?

Then Jane noticed her presence.

"Oh!"

Maura remained quiet. She needed hints. As much as the situation was new, she needed to be sure that today was the day after they had spent the night together. She needed a proof. Any proof. Why was Jane so quiet suddenly? She looked uncomfortable. As if caught in the act.

But then she said it. At last.

"Merry Christmas."

A weight immediately vanished from Maura's shoulders. Many things remained blurry, she and Jane would need to speak. But there she was. She had done it. Christmas Eve was over. Finally.

"I... I wanted to surprise you with breakfast." Jane looked at the tray and shrugged apologetically. "Looks like I screwed it."

And then it hit Maura.

They had slept together, hadn't they? It hadn't been a dream, right? Maura bit her lower lip as doubts began to creep in. It couldn't be a dream. She would never cope with such possibility.

Yes. She was relieved to have finally got rid of that weird trick of time. But she didn't want her feelings for Jane to be ignored. Not now. Not anymore.

Yet Jane remained in the kitchen looking at the tray in front of her as if she had failed miserably. She wasn't going for Maura. She wasn't going for a kiss nor for the mere sign of affection.

Nothing.

Nothing at all.

So Maura didn't overthink it. For once she chose spontaneity. A foreign concept to her, something that scared her immensely. Something that she desperately needed. She ignored her fears, her doubts and her insecurities. Then she walked to Jane and kissed her with the same urge as she had showed the day before in Boston Common.

It couldn't have been a dream. It had felt way too real for this.

Jane smiled against her lips. Within seconds. Her hand slid on Maura's waist as they deepened the kiss. Just as it had happened the day before.

Same kind of kiss. Same feelings.

Then they broke apart and the moment Maura looked up in Jane's eyes, she knew. It hadn't been a dream. No. Everything had happened and it was just the beginning. So she smiled. Happily.

"Merry Christmas."

The End


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